The Dead Son

One of the guys from my Aikido class had a tragedy in his life. His son went into a coma and then died last week. I don't even know the details nor is it my business. All I know is that one day Sensei sent us a note about the coma and a few days later about the death.

Arrangements were made to buy flowers from all the students. The class collected $200. $175 was spent on a flower arrangement. The dojo should have kept the change, but instead, honor won over common sense and the money was given to the father of the dead son.

So now I imagine, there he is, maybe grieving or maybe frozen with despair and utterly crushed. With 25 bucks in an envelope from Sensei.

Superbowl

I don't watch or care about professional sports, though I understand that many people do.

The American Superbowl football championship event is just the top of the heap.

Of course, the Superbowl is famous for selling huge commercials for its huge audience and a lot of money and creative energy is spent by agencies world wide to produce spots which aim to make a mark.

Most of them are -- like so much of the mass-media our society produces -- unimpressive at best.

You can see them all at the IFilm page (IFilm took over hosting these a few years back after the cool but unprofitable adcritic site went down).

I went and watched many of them and got what I expected, but the one that I like a hell of a lot featured a bunch of current football heroes practicing what they would say when asked what they were going to do upon winning the Big Game...

"I'm Going To DisneyWorld!"

I really respect Disney. I think they have been a bright spot in the world... always displaying immense dedication to creativity, imagination, and optimism. I am a great cynic, but I feel that Disney is truly sincere in its optimism and that is wonderful.

Enjoy this -- to me -- wonderfully warm spot.

I Miss Republicans Two

I was writing a comment to Kung Fu Monkey's excellent "I Miss Republicans" but it just kept getting longer and longer... So instead a Modern Slave post grew out of the comment. Please read the above linked article. It's quite excellent.

A friend of mine whom i sent the link to this posting to just asked: "I thought of apollo 13 nerds and how they must have been pipe smoking republicans... what DID happen?"

So i was thinking and here's a theory.

In the 60s and even 70s religion was an unquestioned part of america. "unquestioned" as in assumed. And science was tolerated because clashes with religion were contained and controlled. Atheists were hiding in caves and university campuses. And you could go to the moon and still wonder at God's great creation.

In the last decade that has completely changed. While, as the polls have clearly shown, the U.S. is still mindbogglingly predominantly christian, there have been huge amounts of clashes between science and religion. Evolution may have been taught for a long time, but never with such difficult to dispute facts. And never in direct opposition to The Good Book and other pillars of christian faith.

And then you've got your furor over the gay gene. You've got Terry Schiavo. You've got stem cell research. Amazing advances in medical science. Brain research. Mind research. There's an erosion of every aspect on which christian faith is based.

In addition we have gotten used to affluence in this country. Used to the post war booms. We fret over the DOW going down 1000 points like it's another Great Depression. We The People don't give a crap about fiscal matters unless we are directly effected as individuals.

Popular media may be fucked up, but has sided mostly with the liberal side. Fahrenheit 911, ridiculous a film as it is, would have been impossible to imagine in the 60s. And can you imagine Queer Eye between Gilligan's Island and the Brady Bunch?

I think the religious masses feel they are under attack. It is clear when you see the fervor with which they protest lately. Stem cell research, Schiavo, evolution, the growing acceptance of homosexuals.

But religion remains very strong in numbers. And now they've got resolve too. They've become a mob again. A mindless, idiotic, mob.

So what happened is the christian right began voting for more and more radical christian candidates. To push a religious agenda. And their candidates just happen to be registered in the Republican Party.

And now we're stuck with nutjobs because of their stance on very specific, but in long term totally irrelevant, issues. Like gay marriage. You're kidding yourself if you think that the gay marriage issue didn't get a ton of otherwise apathetic christian voters out last november.

So these christians went out to vote against gay marriage, not for $200 billion dollar missile systems. Oh sure, they'll defend the decisions of their candidates. Just as they will defend completely contradictory aspects of their faith. Because they are forced to.

Sometimes i truly wish jesus christ would have just gone and banged mary magdelene and saved us all this pain.

Anger Mismanagement

I would like to feel angry now. 'Cause you know, I am angry. Pretty fucking angry.

But it seems it's not okay to be angry anymore. Or more accurately, it's not safe to show your anger.

It's the 21st Century. It's okay for men to cry. It's a natural emotion. We've been freed to cry. Crying is good for you. There there, you can cry on my shoulder if I can cry on yours, you big lug.

Wonderful, except I don't want to cry. I want to scream. See, 'cause I'm not sad. I am angry. And why is it that it's not okay for me to scream, really scream?

Stress is bad for you. Otherwise healthy men die in their 40s and 50s because of stress. But what is stress, really? Is it pent up sadness? Pent up love? No. Fear? Probably. But mostly it's pent up anger.

Men today (women too, but I think it's considered okay for women to get angry) are being taught to "get in touch with our emotions". Translation: just the gushy, fluffy ones. Not the dirty, nasty ones. Look, I've been in touch with my emotions since around the time of my birth and right now the emotion is anger. Why is it be okay to be in touch with sadness but not with anger?

What am I so angry about? Losing my most trusted friend to alcoholism. Watching someone very dear throwing away inestimable talent. Being held up at gunpoint. A coworker whose laziness is forcing me to repeat my work for the 3rd time. The general rabid stupidity of people. My inability to accept being average in the long term. My neighbor putting his garbage cans on my side of the sidewalk on Weds nights. Sleep deprivation is a big factor. Aging. Definitely angry about that.

I think display of anger is being phased out because it has so many negative connotations. Especially violence. We kill others in anger. We kill ourselves. We wage war in anger. We cut each other off on the highway, blow ourselves up in public places, we take out classmates with submachine guns. We toss grenades into wells filled with living human beings. We beat our wives, our kids, our pets.

So yeah, anger can lead to lots of bad stuff. But that doesn't make anger itself wrong. I think everyone agrees with this and yet there is less and less outlet for anger.

Sports? Please. First off, playing a round of tennis after dealing with SBC's customer support for 4 hours is not going to get rid of my fantasy of ripping out their tech's shriveled heart and eating it. Second, there are too many rules in sports. We already have too many rules in our lives. It's one of the reasons why I get angry so easily in the first place.

Computers? On the surface there's lots of possibility for release of anger here. Especially in games. But computer hardware and software is full of frustration traps, both on the design and utility levels; and in the case of online communities, there are the hordes of angry angry people that fill them......

Sex? It may relieve frustration but don't confuse frustration with anger. Sex is a terrible idea if you're angry. Save sex for love, passion, and pleasure.

Art? Definitely, but you can't force Art. Never force Art.

Drugs? Nothing worse than being angry and high.

Yoga? Martial Arts? A twinge of hope here but I don't get angry on schedule.

Gun range? I don't like guns. There's a fair chance the barrel will end up in my mouth.

Meditation? Yes, it can work. But it's tricky, especially in a busy environment.

What I would like to do right now is get on my motorcycle and ride at around 130 mph. It's not road rage. I'm not raging at anyone on the road. I just want to keep going. The speed is important. The pace is important. The corner entry and exit. Keeping it together. The concentration required alone is probably the most effective way i've found to make the anger go away.

Unfortunately hurtling your body mounted upon a 450lb machine at that speed is getting awful close to violence. One mistake (mine or someone else's) and I'm an organ donor. And then there's the CHP who with the simple act of writing a few things on a piece of paper can transform a healthy stress reliever into quite the opposite.

What I really want to do is scream. I want to scream at you, at my neighbor, I want to scream at the horizon. At the TV.

It's time to bring back the Primal Scream. Open your window, take a big breath, and howl like a madman. Call me up and I'll scream with you.

Or maybe you should just hit me. As hard as you can.

Sing Spring!

The thought occured to me that in 'Heaven', the weather is probably a hell of a lot like it was in San Francisco today. While the summers are famously cold and blustery as winters, and the winters wet and a dreary grey, March can bring days of such spectacular beauty and surprising warmth that all the days of the rainy season are immediately forgiven.

Back in New England, winter is still in full effect -- blustery, freezing drizzle and snow on the ground -- little chance of any beautiful young woman breaking free of her chill-protecting outerwear for the spaghetti-straps, sheer fabric, spring-colored skirts and bare skin everywhere that is prevalent here in Northern California.

It seems like a good day for a person to embark on new courses of action-- the kind of day that feels like a warm breeze pouring through a window, fresh sheets on the bed and the opportunity for starting something new (though it's just as likely to result in someone kicking back in the sun and doing about as much nothing as one can possibly not do...)

Spring is the wonderful time which ignites the passion of life, the anticipation of outdoor activities and events, the invigorating visual stimulation of the revelation of human flesh bursting free, and the progressive extension of the very daylight in which to relish it all.

The birds are singing, the cherry blossoms are blooming, and life -- if only for a short while -- seems well worth living... even for committed atheists such as me.

Sing Spring!